


You can Teach a Cat to Fish, but...

by XantunsiaRiveresiana



Series: Xantunsia Riveresiana Chronicles [11]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Bargaining, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Gen, Miqo'te Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Nonsense, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23628496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XantunsiaRiveresiana/pseuds/XantunsiaRiveresiana
Summary: Tataru tries to pass along her accounting skills to minimum success
Series: Xantunsia Riveresiana Chronicles [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700809
Kudos: 2





	You can Teach a Cat to Fish, but...

"5 million for the axe, I won't go any lower!"  
"Deal!"  
"No!!"  
The loud crash of a Arcanist book impacting a skull reverberates across the Rising Stones as the lalafell reprimands her, quite literally at this point, numbskulled hero  
"Xantunsia that was literally the first offer I made!"  
"But you said you wouldn't go any lower..." The miqo'te protested, rubbing her pummeled head through her spiky hair  
"Well of COURSE I said that, but I didn't mean it!"  
"Why would you lie to me Tataru...?" The warrior of warriors responded, with a heartbroken expression, to the now flabbergasted secretary who was now slouching over the table in disbelief  
"There's got to be another way to do this... She'll be eaten alive out there.... Twelve help us if she ever ends up in the markets with Scion funds..."

"I have a suggestion!" a voice rang out from the entrance of the Stones  
Tataru, unable to even to muster surprise anymore, wearily lifted her head towards the voice to see a blind Miqo'te standing dramatically in the door, though facing a wall.  
"Oh hey Meives! What are you d-" Xantunsia excitedly greeted her friend before cutting herself short and making a serious expression

"He he he, so you noticed..." the intruder chuckled as her policewoman tabard swayed dramatically in the wind that was inexplicably blowing in the closed building. "But you're too late!"  
And suddenly, she tossed a bag she was hiding behind her back at Xantunsia!  
Or, at least, it was probably intended for Xantunsia anyway. It actually veered wildly to the right, almost hitting the wall. While the exhausted finance handler could only look on in confusion, Xantunsia jumped for the bag like a shark, grabbing it with her mouth before it made an unseemly splat against the wall. She excitedly jammed her head inside, removing it moments later with a small fish in her maw, and a very satisfied expression.  
"Is... is that a bag of fish?" Tataru asked as she finally managed to attempt to grasp the situation.  
"Not just any fish..." Meives said smugly, before shouting in a conclusive manner,  
"They’re Sardines!!"  
And that quickly, Tataru's processing attempt had failed. Meives plan however, was only getting started.  
"Xan, want 100 gil for those sardines?" The miqo'te officer asked  
"Don't need it" Xantunsia replied, still chewing  
"100 gil?"  
"Nah"  
"10,000 gil?"  
"I'm okay"  
"10 million gil??"  
"Eh, maybe after I've eaten a few more"  
"Want another sardine?"  
"YOU HAVE MORE???"  
Finally tearing her gaze away from the fish bag, the vicious, fish eating warrior looked to Meives expectantly

Tataru meanwhile, was starting to get the picture  
"She doesn't see value in gil... but if it's something she loves like sardines..."  
The lalafell took out a bag of gil and slammed it down in front of the still chewing Xantunsia  
"Xantunsia! Pretend each of these pieces of gil, is a sardine!  
Meives, prepare to stop her from eating the gil!"  
"Already on it" Meives answered to Tataru's orders, swooping the gil bag up just before Xantunsia could chomp on it instinctively  
"Now Xantunsia... try to buy this axe from me with your sardines!" The secretary said confidently  
After a few moments of confusion, or maybe a whole handful of them, Xantunsia's eyes opened wide, seemingly in understanding of the plan  
"5 million I won't go any lower" Tataru let out in a voice just barely nervous enough to sense its trembling  
"5 million...." Xantunsia paused  
".....”  
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! I wouldn't pay more than 100,000 for this backscratcher!!"

The room fell silent at Xantunsia's retort for a good few moments, and then, for an instant after, the faint snicker of triumph could be heard from the "merchant"

"100,000! You cheap shite, I'd charge my ma more than that! Its a solid million at least"  
"Well how you rip off your ma aint none of my business! I'm telling you it aint worth more than 200,000 you scam artist"  
"Well I ain't got time to argue with a daft broad that cant tell an 800,000 axe when she sees one"  
"I know enough to know your head would be better served on this 300,000 one than on your shoulders if it think it can get away with charging that much!"  
"That right?! Well how about I drive this 600,000 axe through you so you can know just how much it's worth!"  
"Aye I'd like to see you try to leave a mark on me with that 400,000, trash heap"  
"..."  
"..."

"500,000"  
"450,000"  
"475,000"  
"Deal!" Xantunsia said, striking out her hand, as a single tear ran down Tataru’s cheek.

As the handshake concluded, the secretary and the Policewoman cheered. Tataru went for a congratulatory high-ten to thank Meives for her help, which Meives promptly missed horribly. Following this whole exchange, Xantunsia let out some hearty laughter.

"That was fun Tataru! And thanks for the sardines Meives! Where'd you get them anyway??"  
"Hm? Oh just a merchant I passed by" Meives replied, as Xantunsia gasped  
"you can buy them??" I always caught my own! I'm gonna go buy some too! See you later guys!”

As she ran out, Tataru looked on like a proud parent "ah, there she goes, out into the world markets, all grown up"  
"Yeah," Meives followed-up, "buying sardines all by herself..."  
....  
"Meives..." Tataru interrupted her own proud silence "how much did you offer her for the sardines before...?"  
"...t-ten million gil..." Meives replied, coming to a terrifying conclusion  
"And she said... no." Tataru finished the thought as a new, more fearful silence filled the room  
......  
"Find her right now FIND HER RIGHT NOW!  
NOTIFY THE ADVENTURER'S GUILD!! DO WE STILL HAVE SHINOBI HERE?! DO NOT LET HER FIND THOSE FISH!!!"

And thus the chase was on to stop the worst possible bargain in Scion history from being struck.


End file.
